Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

By Mark Twain

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...VISIT TO HEAVEN***


Transcribed by David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org

...

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... ...

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...fast that when I had
gone about 150,000,000 miles I was close enough to be swallowed...

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...once. Well, I never heard the like of
it before.

We roared and thundered along side...

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...the comet swung along by me the same as if I was
anchored. The captain...

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...when I came to, the darkness was all gone and
there was the loveliest sunshine and...

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...I, “I don’t know anything more to say—unless I lump things,
and just say I’m from...

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...the tiniest
lit—”

“So—so,” says he—and without any sugar in his voice to speak of.

I went on,...

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...figure I should cut stepping out amongst the redeemed in such a rig,
and that made...

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...of years I have devoted night and day to that
study. But the idea of...

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...harp and a hymn-book, pair of wings and a halo, size 13, for Cap’n Eli
Stormfield,...

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...of those traps, lying in the
road. I just quietly dumped my extra cargo along...

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...“Old man, I’ll be frank with you. This _ain’t_ just as near my
idea of...

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...on your hands. Why,
Stormfield, a man like you, that had been active and stirring...

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...down in a pretty
likely region, to have a rest before taking another start. I...

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..._do_; and when my work was done, I wanted
to sit quiet, and smoke and think—not...

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...in
the company of people above that age; so he allows his body to take on
that...

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...so tired, and was crying, poor thing! She passed
along by, with her head down,...

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...together and get adjusted by and by. But not this
year, and not next. ...

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...sides.
That would _land_ you, of course. You could lay to, with your head to
the...

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... And
when you see one of them come sailing around with one wing tipped up...

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...started home on the ferry-boat, and there was a collision and he got
drowned. He...

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...people down there on
earth that are promising themselves the same thing. As many as...

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...necessary on that kind of an
occasion.”

“Do they an turn out, Sandy?”

“Who?—all the patriarchs? Oh,...

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...in a picture, on earth, with that thing on—you remember it?—he
looks as if he had...

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...worthy to polish sandals for—and _they_
ain’t worthy to polish sandals for the patriarchs and prophets....

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...prophet?”

“Of course he was; and so was Homer, and heaps more. But Shakespeare and
the...

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...mudsill like me trying to push in and help receive an awful
grandee like Edward J....

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...Jupiter isn’t even a mustard-seed
to—like the planet Goobra, for instance, which you couldn’t squeeze
inside the...

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...Well, they had grand times at that reception—a
small-fry noble from Hoboken told me all about...

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...But you’ve got a Sandy Hook
_here_, too, have you?”

“We’ve got everything here, just as it...

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...40,000,000 in 1875. Our
death-rate has always been 20 in 1000 per annum. Well,...

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...look around,
meantime, in a quiet way, and make up my mind. Besides, I know...

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...a gibberish that Satan himself
couldn’t understand. The fact is, where you strike one man...

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...have
made all generalship before look like child’s play and ’prentice work.
But he never got a...

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...thunderstorms in
one, and made the whole heavens rock. Then there was a sudden and...

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...gold, all caked
with jewels, and in the two middle ones sat old white-whiskered men, and
in...